overcoming perfectionism
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is the need to be flawless or perfect in certain aspects of life. Perfectionism leads to setting high standards that are unrealistic to achieve or causes one to be self-critical and feel like a failure if they do not line up with the expectations they put on themselves. Perfectionism is not about being perfect, it’s about feeling perfect.
Perfectionists tend to be very critical of themselves. They typically have a fear of failure that can lead to procrastination. The reason why procrastination can happen is that it protects them from having to fail. This is not healthy because it leads to anxiety and stress.
Perfectionism and negative thinking go hand and hand. A perfectionist might jump to conclusions, assume the worse situation, or think others will not accept them if they fall short of the expectations they put on themselves.
What Causes Perfectionism?
There are many factors that can lead to developing perfectionism.
Most perfectionism is developed in childhood and is a response to some form of trauma.
Trauma looks different to everyone. If a parent did not praise their child and only pointed out the negatives this will lead to the child trying to get their parent’s praise and approval, which leads to perfectionism. The child will think if they were a “perfect” child then their parents will accept them.
Another example would be if a parent was a violent alcoholic. The child will learn to prepare for every possible situation to protect themselves to feel safe. This helps the child feel in control when their home life is out of control.
A parent or caregiver who themselves displayed perfectionism or expressed criticism when their child’s results were not perfect can lead to having perfectionism tendencies that carry on into adulthood.
When a child feels the need to please their parents constantly by their performance yet nothing ever seemed good enough to the parents this can cause stress, anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, and perfectionism. Along with if a parent’s love was conditional based, not unconditional.
This can lead to the child feeling inadequate and learning that how well they perform will get them to be accepted and liked by others. It starts to become ingrained that in order to feel good and to be accepted you must strive for perfection.
Having mental health issues such as anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) can lead to traits of perfectionism.
It’s important to note that millennials are at a higher risk for developing perfectionism. This is due to social media and having unrealistic expectations of their body image that is unachievable and the demand and pressure to have higher education and a well-paid job.
Overcoming Perfectionism
It might seem impossible to learn how to overcome perfectionism, but it can happen. To do this you want to look at imperfection as a way to heal.
Stop comparing yourself to others
Become aware of where you display your perfectionism
Learn to be less perfect
Set more realistic goals for yourself
Unfollow social media accounts that make you feel bad about yourself
Try not to procrastinate
Go to therapy
Lower the expectations you put on yourself
Do not fixate on the negatives of yourself and recognize the effort and the good
Challenge black-and-white thinking
Remember it takes practice to learn how to overcome perfectionism. Try and work at challenging your thoughts and the expectations you put on yourself as much as you can.