Things You Don’t Have to Apologize for

Have you ever found yourself apologizing for the weather during a party you hosted, for how you feel, or for someone else’s behaviors?

Perhaps you have said something along the lines like, “I am sorry, this is a stupid thing to ask” or “I’m sorry for not picking up the phone right away.”

If you find yourself apologizing often, and most of the time you haven’t done anything wrong then this article is for you.

As humans, we are wired to connect with others and have a sense of belonging. We might automatically apologize to be liked, not to upset others, or have the need to make others happy.

Even though apologizing is a healthy thing to do. Excessive apologizing can lead to feelings of unnecessary guilt, lack of boundaries, and poor assertiveness skills.

Here are some examples of things you do not need to say sorry for.

Saying "no"

You have the right to say no and without feeling guilty. You deserve to give yourself respect and know your limits. This is you using your boundaries.

Ending unhealthy relationships

If you decide to end a relationship because they are toxic for you then you have that right. You deserve to surround yourself with people that lift you not tear you down.⁠⁠ If others try to tell you to make amends because “you are the better person” you have the right to say no and continue to set your boundaries. 

Your Boundaries 

Your boundaries may be different from someone else and that is okay ⁠. If you say no, and the other person keeps pushing or attempts to put guilt on you then that is on them, not you. Be proud of knowing your boundaries and keep sticking to them. 

Other people

You cannot control other people's behaviors, actions, or thoughts. Everyone is responsible for their own actions and behaviors. There is no need to apologize for someone else, even if you think their actions are a reflection upon you.

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Standing up for yourself

You have the right to stand up for yourself healthily and appropriately. ⁠⁠You are allowed to be assertive and get the respect you deserve 

Feeling your feelings

You are allowed to feel your feelings no matter what. There are no wrong feelings, just wrong actions. ⁠⁠This does not excuse you to cross boundaries or express yourself at inappropriate times. By feeling your feelings you are validating yourself and what you may need during that time.

Not being available 24/7

You do not need to respond to a phone call, text, or email right when it comes through. Learn to be okay with waiting and answering the other person on your time or when you are not busy. If someone needs an answer from you and you were busy try saying “thank you for your patience.”

Also, even if you are able to respond but you are not in the right mind space or you just do not feel like talking or texting that is okay too! We do not always need to available 24/7.

Standing in someone’s way

I think we have all done this at some point! What are you sorry for? Habe a physical body? There is no reason to apologize for this, especially if both of you are in each other’s way. Instead of “sorry” say “excuse me” or “pardon me.”

Now, starting to learn to reserve the “sorry” for when it is truly needed. It is a skill in itself to learn when you need to apologize. Just becoming more aware of how often you do apologize is a start. We can be kind and caring without saying “sorry.”